Wanna See Octomom on the Pole?

Well you’re out of luck. As men we have all run into the occasional B squad when hitting a strip club at the wrong time but when I read that Octomom Nadya Suleman was gonna get on the pole at a Florida club, I had to wonder if that qualified as the C or D squad.

Now it seems I will have to find something else to do July 11 to 15 because Octomom canceled her appearance over trash talk from some club employees on local television news. Perhaps I will just pay homeless crack whores to show me their saggy jugs instead. Same thing really.

Bad Fictional Dads – Homer Simpson

To celebrate Fathers Day which is just around the corner and way better than Mothers day, we will be listing some really bad fictional dads between now and then. First up is the original bad dad, Homer Simpson.

Over the past 2 decades plus, the original bad cartoon dad has reformed his image thanks to a receptive public who’s gotten used to him and now say, “oh strangling the child? That’s just his way.” Well I’m here to say that only red haired children should be strangled, not the yellow haired cartoon ones.

Is he really that bad?

1. Fine, we all strangle our children now and then. If that’s the worst he’s done, who could say anything bad about him?
2. The man has put his family in great physical danger numerous times. In the Simpsons Movie the entire family was very nearly murdered by an angry mob incited by Homer. Hard to overlook that.
3. He’s a drunk who seems to enjoy drinking and driving. Not only that, but being dead tired has never stopped him from getting behind the wheel, even with the kids in the car with him.
4. And finally, although this list could go on, Homer Simpson cannot hold a job. Sure, he’s worked at the power plant all hid adult life, but he’s also been fired or quit probably close to 200 times. It’s only thanks to a seriously incompetent human resources department which cannot seem to keep its paperwork in order, that the man can still feed his family.

Let’s be honest, any of us real dads doing any of this stuff (except for the strangling) and courts wold roast us over an open fire. So in conclusion let me say, bad Homer, bad…

Donald Trump Brags About Black Friend

Tired of being called a racist as a result of his claims that there is no way a black man can be President cause “you know they were all born in Africa,” the Donald held a press conference where he claimed it was impossible for him to be a racist because he picked Arsenio Hall to win The Apprentice.

Said the Donald, “Look, I’m no racist but you can’t tell me that President was born in America? I mean, come on?” He then went on to hand out pictures of himself with Arsenio Hall from this past season of The Apprentice.

Is Charlie Sheen Back on Drugs?

First let me say why wouldn’t he be?

But TMZ asked him that very question and here is the very sheen response.

I can’t speak to anyone’s opinion or judgement.
I was there
they were not.
their tepid
hearsay is a baseless
static drone.
a mantra.
their theme.
I refuse to be held hostage by their ‘constitutional’
privelidge,
to judge those
who can and who do.

nabobs.
CS

Yet one more reason I love Charlie Sheen.

Maybe You Should Have Stopped at 29 Kids

So if a man has 30 kids with 11 women, where would you think he resides? Okay, lets say it’s not Florida, what would your second choice be? Tennessee? You nailed it as hard as he did all those women.

Desmond Hatchett of Knosville, Tenn. has 30 kids spanning 11 baby mamas who pays as little as $2.97 a month in child support to one of the women. What he does not have is a low sperm count. Now, this has outraged a lot of people, especially those with vaginas, but I have some good news. Turns out he is not paying one of the women under 3 bucks a month in child support because he’s been in jail for the last few years. This might be one of those times when no money is better than some money and the benefits to society of him being locked up is difficult to put a price on, but it’s a lot.

He is scheduled to remain behind bars for a couple more years before he can begin procreating again.

I hear he is a big supporter of Rick Santorum, especially his stance on birth control. Oh how this man hates birth control cause you know, the church frowns on it so this good catholic will keep riding it bareback just like the Pope and Rick Santorum would want him too.

Best Place to Hold Your Senior Prom?

When I think back to senior prom I can’t help but think the best place to hold it would have been a porn convention. That way if your girl isn’t gonna put out, it won’t be hard to find one who will.

Senior prom held same place as Exxxotica

School officials have told parents not to worry, the prom and the porn convention will be held in separate places in the convention center. Although as a former teenage male I am sure there would be some way for me to find my way from one side of a building to another. It may have taken weeks of planning, but rest assured I would have seen some porn. Wooooooo

What to do With a Billion Dollars in India

So if you live in India and have a billion dollars, what do you do? If you are India’s richest family then you build the world’s most expensive house. Coincidentally it may also be the world’s ugliest house.

World’s ugliest house

My God, what were they thinking when they designed this? No doubt they wanted it to fit in with the neighboring houses.

It also takes a very large staff to maintain a house that large. Here’s the Christmas photo.

What’s Better Than Vacation Sex?

Survey Says! Vacation Sex is Better
But…
Better than what?
And did you take your wife or girlfriend on this vacation? Details matter. After you’ve been married a few years, it takes more than a vacation to have good sex… It takes 2 prostitutes and a German dominatrix to orchestrate the evening.

2 Million Dollar Crack Binge

So, remember that story out of Pittsburgh, the armored car driver who shot his partner in the head and drove away with a cool 2 million bucks? Turns out, the man just wanted a little crack.

Cops in Florida arrested him today at a crack house and recovered most of the money, except for a half million dollars I expect they can find in the pockets of local drug dealers. Look for the ones with shiny new rims bitch.